


You Kill Me (In A Good Way)

by orphan_account



Category: Bandom, My Chemical Romance, Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Anal Sex, Bullying, Frerard, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Internalized Homophobia, Kid Fic, M/M, My First Smut, Oral Sex, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt, The sex scene is only at the end, You can stop reading before then, theres a warning in the fic that tells you when to stop, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-20
Updated: 2016-11-20
Packaged: 2018-09-01 04:34:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8608174
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Just a glimpse of Frank's and Gerard's relationship throughout the years, starting at 7 years old and ending at 17.Trigger Warning: if you are triggered by self-harm or suicide attempts, or if homophobic slurs make you extremely uncomfortable, please be careful while reading or don't read. Stay safe, please :)





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! this is my first fic I can actually read without cringing externally at my own writing!! Please let me know what you think, and also if you don't want to read the sex scene, there's a warning beforehand, and you can stop reading there, if you want. If you do read it, just a warning, it's my first time writing a sex scene. Please give me feedback!!

7 years old

 

Gerard looked back down at his drawing after watching the other kids on the playground and debating whether he should join in. As he filled in the pencil lines with the markers, he thought about how lucky Superman was. Technically, he could fly away from his problems and not have to talk to anyone or worry about what others thought. He wasn’t from this planet either. It made him an outsider. Just like Gerard.

 

He was so engrossed in his drawing that he didn’t notice the short raven-haired boy walk up to him and peer over his shoulder. So Gerard jumped when he spoke.

 

“That’s so good!!!! It looks just like him!! I love it!!!!!”

 

For a moment, Gerard was at a loss of words. No one ever talked to him, much less complimented his work. They either made fun of his purple backpack or criticized his drawings.

 

“I—um… thanks?” Gerard tripped on his words, just like he always did. Stupid. Why can’t you talk normally?

 

The shorter boy grinned wide, showing a gap in his front teeth. He plopped down beside Gerard and scooted up close to him so he could get a better look.

 

“I’m Fwank! You’re Gewawd?”

 

Gerard found his voice adorable, and couldn’t help the smile forcing its way onto his face. Frank’s  
smile and vibes were highly contagious.

 

“Yeah!”

 

Franks smile got even bigger, if that was possible.

 

“Those other kids were being mean and saying you were weird but I think you’re so cool!”

 

Gerard felt his cheeks grow warm and turned away with a smile.

 

“Can you draw me something? I don’t care what it is.”

 

“You can have this drawing if you want.”

 

“WAIT REALLY????????? OH MY GOSH THANK YOU SOOOOOO MUCH GEWAWD”

 

Frank almost knocked them both off the bench with the force of his hug. And Gerard couldn’t stop smiling for the rest of the day. They talked about everything and anything, and Frank even wanted to be his partner for an activity they did later in the day!

 

Later on that week, the two of them were sitting on the swings talking, Gerard drawing Spiderman this time, when two taller boys walked over to them. Gerard recognized them immediately as Bob Bryar and Bert McCracken, the boys who would constantly make fun of…. Well, pretty much anything that had to do with Gerard: his long raven black hair, his purple backpack, and his drawings. They’d call him a girl, and “weak”, and would laugh at his pain. So he paused mid-sentence, out of fear. Frank noticed them approaching as well, and stood up and walked over to them.

 

“Hi Bob!! Hi Bert!!”

 

Bob looked down at Frank, then back up to Gerard. Bert kept his eyes on Gerard.

 

“Frank, why are you playing with that weirdo? He acts like a girl. His backpacks even purple!! Why don’t you play with us? Also, he stole our place on the swings!!”

 

Frank was not expecting this, and a scowl immediately darkened his features.

 

“DON’T YOU CALL HIM WEIRDO!!!!!! HE’S SO SWEET AND HE EVEN DREW ME A SUPERMAN PICTURE!!! JUST LEAVE US ALONE!”

 

Bert just raised his eyebrow, and threw his head back laughing.

 

“Oh my gosh Frank you’re so small but you’re FEISTY, I’ll say.” He teased.

 

For some reason, this is what really put Frank off, and without thinking, he shoved Bert back so hard Bert fell onto the dirt of the playground. He started sobbing.

 

Bob pushed past Frank with his shoulder and stormed over to Gerard, who was paralyzed with fear, his eyes beginning to water.

 

“You little freak. Why are you such a girl? This drawing isn’t even good!”

 

Bob snatched the drawing right out of Gerard’s lap so quickly that it ripped. Then he proceeded to grab his shoulders and throw him off the swing.

 

As Gerard hit the ground, he just thought about how S T U P I D he was, and how he would never be good enough for the world, for anyone. And it hurt. He started to cry. His eye would be purple when he got home. He cried harder.

 

And then there was Frank, tripping Bob and yelling for the teachers. He couldn’t bear to see Gerard cry. He’d start crying too.

 

The teachers talked to the four of them, and Gerard could barely speak, he was sobbing so hard. The ice on his eye was slowly turning his delicate cheek numb.

 

“He—“*hic* “pushed—“ *hic* “me” was all he could get out.

 

Frank was the one who spoke up. “Bob and Bert called him a weirdo and then ripped his drawing and then pushed him off the swing!! I was there, I saw the whole thing!!”

 

“Frank,” said the older teacher with graying hair and steely green eyes. “We’ve already heard you speak. Quiet.” She looked stern, but this pissed Frank off even more. He stuck his tongue out at her. It didn’t go unnoticed.

 

“Very well then. Bert, Bob, and Frank, you all have time out next Monday and Tuesday from recess. Frank, you will be staying indoor with me and writing a note home to your parents. Bert and Bob, you are welcome outside, but you’re not allowed on the playground.”

 

Frank’s face turned red. “Why do I have to stay indoors with you???? I didn’t do anything except protect my Gerard!!!!”

 

“Frank, that’s enough!!!! How disrespectful!! First you push Bert and Bob, stick your tongue out at me, and now you argue? I’ve had enough!!”

 

She tried to hide that she was slightly uncomfortable with Frank referring to Gerard as his.  
That Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday, Gerard insisted to the teacher he’d stay inside as well. He argued that he liked to draw during recess anyway, so it was okay.

 

Frank felt much better that Gerard was staying inside. He kept glancing at Gerard as he wrote, and caught him smiling to himself when he met Frank’s eyes a couple of times.

 

They stayed friends, after all of this. Bob and Bert were afraid of Frank, so as long as he was there around Gerard, they left them alone. The two boys grew inseparable, and soon befriended the curly haired boy that had talked to them a couple of times. Ray.

 

10 years old

 

It was Halloween, and the air was already crisp and bitingly cold. The reds and golds of the leaves still lingered, but on the ground, you could hear the crunch of the fallen ones as you walked. It smelled of campfires and cold air. Gerard loved it. Countless drawings of the trees would litter his desk and floor, his young artist’s eye constantly trying to capture what he saw.

 

He was especially excited today, because Frank turned ten!! Earlier, the Iero household had been brimming with laughter as Frank, Gerard, Mikey, and Ray celebrated both Halloween and Frank’s birthday. Those four most likely had way too much sugar, but whatever. They were good kids.  
Later on, Mrs. Iero took them to the park, making sure to leave out a bowl of Kit Kats for any trick-or-treaters. The boys played hide-and-seek, and tag, you’re it, when Mikey suggested a different game.

 

“Guys, we should have a contest to see who can fling their shoe the farthest on the swings.”  
Frank sneezed loudly and huffed, “YES, WE SHOULD!!”  
Ray flung his shoe straight upward, and it bounced of his laughing head.  
Frank accidentally flung his to the side, and it bounced off Gerard’s lap.  
Gerard and Mikey flung theirs the farthest. Something in the Way genes, probably.  
They all decided on heading back, as it was getting dark, and Frank complained of it getting cold. Linda agreed. She worried about her son’s immune system.

 

Tired from playing outside, the four boys decided to marathon Star Wars and chill on the couch, eating their candy. Mikey and Ray claimed the two armchairs in the basement, and Frank and Gerard, always attached at the hip, claimed the couch together.

 

Soon the air was filled with laughter and conversations about the movie, the boys bickering over the characters and throwing popcorn at each other.

 

“Rey is the most badass female character in the whole series though!!!!!! Shes a freaking Jedi!!!” Gerard giggled as Frank threw a popcorn at him.

 

“No way. Leia was the original badass, she—“Frank was interrupted by an unbidden cough. He noticed his throat had started to hurt, and tried not to panic in front of his friends.

 

“Frankie are you okay?” Gerard scooted closer and wrapped an arm around him.

 

Frank forced a smile, “I’m okay. I think we should go to bed, its like 2am, guys.”  
Everyone seemed to agree, and they pulled out the couch into a bed and set up their sleeping bags.

 

Frank fell asleep almost immediately. He could tell the next morning was going to be rough for him. His body had started to hurt.

 

After about a half hour, everyone else fell asleep except Gerard. He stared into the blackness, listening to Frank’s wheezing. And blaming himself. After all, it was HIS idea to go out to the park in this weather when it started getting dark. His eyes stung with tears. All Frank did was protect him and be there for him, and now he had gotten him sick. On his birthday. He sobbed quietly into his pillow until he inevitably fell asleep.

 

Frank stirs awake to the sounds of his friends talking. He tries to open his eyes, and succeeds after about thirty seconds. His throat is dry, and he painfully rolls over. The morning light blinds his eyes, and he squeezes them shut again. He wants to go back to sleep. Everything hurts.

 

“Frankie!!” He opens his eyes again, and there’s Gerard’s warm hazel eyes staring back at him full of concern. Ray and Mikey stand a few feet behind him. Is it just him, or do Gee’s eyes look red and puffy?

 

“Gerard, sweetie, back up a little bit.” His mother’s voice.

 

He feels his mother’s cool hand on his forehead, and then a cold, wet towel replaces it.

 

“Is he going to be okay? I want him to be okay!” Frank thinks he hears Gerard’s voice tremble before he falls back asleep.

 

Linda covers him with another comforter. “He’ll be okay, Gerard. You should go home, sweetie, I think your parents are outside?”

 

Gerard looks down at the floor. “I wanna stay with him… Is that okay?” Mikey looks up from the spot on the floor he was staring at. He knows how close Frank and Gerard are. But he hasn’t said anything.

 

Linda sighs. “If you want. Why don’t I go check with your mother?”

 

So, Gerard stayed in the Iero household until noon. He held Frank’s hand almost the whole time, talking to him about his art ideas, how he felt, how amazing he thought Frank was, everything. After a while, he let the tears stream down his face as he look at Frank’s sleeping form.  
He sobbed quietly, his tears falling on the blankets. “I hope this is okay,” he whispers. He leans down and presses an innocent kiss on his best friend’s cheek. Frank stirs a little in his delirium, and Gerard jumps back, afraid of what he’s done.

 

STUPID.

 

His mother comes down the stairs, followed by Linda, and wraps her arms around Gerard.  
“Sweetie, I know you’re worried about him, but you should let him rest. You need to come home and eat something and catch up on your sleep, okay?”

 

Gerard was too tired to argue.

 

After Frank got better from his cold, he couldn’t stop thinking about a strange dream he had. That Gerard had kissed his cheek. He wasn’t sure what that meant about him, but for now, he was slightly afraid of his own head.

 

14 years old

 

Middle school had rolled around, and at this point, when Frank and Gerard spent time together, it was more of them sitting in each other’s company, not saying much. Gerard drew more and more, his creations becoming increasingly beautiful and lifelike. He started wearing black nail polish and skinny jeans. Frank would watch him draw, mesmerized by his creations, and admiring his developing features. How had he not noticed how cute Gerard was before? His hazel eyes, his small pixie nose, his coral pink lips….. whoa there, Frank. He grew increasingly angry at himself for admiring his best friend. Little did he know that Gerard would peek over the top of his sketchbook and let his eyes drift over him as well.

 

At school, Frank and Gerard had been sitting with a new crew during lunch hour, which surprisingly consisted of Bob Bryar, Bert McCracken, and a couple of other people. Frank had grown increasingly extroverted, and would lead most of their conversations. Gerard developed into more of a recluse. He realized that whenever he would talk to people, his heart rate would speed up, and he’d start sweating and be at a loss of words. He followed the conversations, though. He was always listening, despite most of their lunch crew thinking that all he did was focus on his drawings. And he’d cast looks at Frank beaming when he spoke of something he was passionate about. Ever since that Halloween, he knew he’d had a tiny crush on Frank. He thought it would go away.

 

The conversation topic soon turned to the infamous Brendon Urie. Rumors had circulated throughout the whole school that he had somehow managed to fill all the football players’ helmets with raw eggs right before the game on home soil.

 

“But dude seriously, you have to admit, he pulled that off so well! How did he even manage to get into the locker room without getting beat up?” Bert piped.

 

“I know right? He’s such a fag, I don’t know how he manages to pull this shit,” Bob chuckled.

 

Gerard looks up from his sketchbook. Not quickly, because he didn’t want to draw much attention to himself. He looks over to Frank to see his reaction. On his face is still a wide grin plastered there, like it was permanently tattooed on his face.

 

“Isn’t he dating Ryan Ross?” Frank asks.

 

Bob throws his head back and laughs. “Yep. That really skinny band kid who always shows up to school beat up for some reason. He’s so fucking gay. He even plays guitar, loser.”

 

Gerard hears Frank chuckle softly. Something that had always warmed his heart. This time, it feels like ice digging into his skin.

 

Frank manages to choke out a small “True” when his voice cracks. He covers it with another laugh.

 

Gerard needed to speak. If this stayed inside of him. He would die slowly, constantly tearing himself up. Say it, Gerard.

 

“What if one of your friends were gay?” His voice cracks on the last word, raspy from disuse.

 

Everyone at the table turns to look at him. Frank raises his eyebrows. Gerard feels his cheeks getting warm. His blood pressure elevates.

 

“What do you mean, Gerard?” Frank asks. Outside, he keeps his cool around everyone. Inside, his stomach flips and his brain screams.

 

Gerard suddenly felt angry and defensive. “I mean, Frank. What if someone you were super close with was gay? Would you be saying all the shit you are now?” Frank turns away and stares down at his lap. All Gerard can think about is the time on the playground. When Bob called him a girl and ripped his drawing. When Frank defended him. Frank would theoretically accept him if he was… right? Right?

 

Bob scoffs. “Uh, gross, dude. That’d be so creepy. What if the person was attracted to me? Ugh--” he shudders-- “That person would be a no-no for me.”

 

Bert had been staring sideways at Gerard. “You’re gay, aren’t you?”

 

A sort of collective gasp rises from the group of 7 people.

 

Gerard pushes aside the buzzing in his head and doesn’t even look in Bert’s direction. He doesn’t give a flying fuck (or a normal fuck, for that matter) what anyone thinks right now. Except Frank. He needed to know.

 

“Frank…”

 

Gerard doesn’t expect what comes out of Frank’s mouth.

 

“WHAT? WHAT THE HELL IS IT, GERARD?”

 

On normal circumstances, Gerard would have frozen and kept his mouth shut if anyone snapped at him like that. It’s his nature. Quiet, yielding. Gentle. But not today.

 

“BECAUSE I LIKE BOYS, FRANK!! I’VE BEEN IN LOVE WITH YOU SINCE FOREVER!! HOW FUCKING BLIND ARE YOU?!!!”

 

For a solid ten seconds, everything is deafeningly silent. Bob breaks it.

 

“I fucking knew it. Disgusting.”

 

Gerard keeps his gaze steadily on Frank.

 

Frank thinks everyone can hear his pulse. He’s afraid. He’s so fucking terrified of what could happen. To both of them.

 

He finally finds his voice again. “I think you should leave, Gerard.” He knew he was slicing up both their hearts. The pain becomes living hell when he hears that choking sound. He never forgets it. The sound is branded all over his heart. He almost lets the tears fall, but manages to keep his eyes steely and hard as Gerard visibly breaks in front of him.

 

Gerard looks away from him former best friend. Everyone looks like he wants to murder him. He looks to Frank again. One last time. He whispers. “Frank…”

 

“Fuck off, you fucking faggot,” Bert throws in. He stands up from his seat. He puts his hands on Gerard’s chest. He shoves him. His head hits the edge of the vacant chair next to him, leaving a bruise on his temple. He doesn’t notice.

 

Frank’s too numb and shocked to say anything.

 

But he knows that as Gerard hangs his head and moves away from him, he’s made the worst mistake of his life.

 

 

Gerard stares down at the small handful of blue pills in his hand. Prescribed for his anxiety, two a day. But it fucking hurt. Frank basically just stabbed his heart out and stepped all over it. Blood. Blood everywhere. Metaphorically and literally. Slashes cover his wrists, just from that day.

What good are you if even Frank can't accept you anymore? You're disgusting. What's wrong with you? WHY WOULD YOU THINK OF HIM LIKE THAT AT ALL? 

He's tired. He's tired of being constantly alone. Of everyone's sharp words. Of being average. His art and grades were never good enough. He had Frank for most of his life. Now, he's gone. And it's all Gerard's fault for spilling out his words.

He swallows each pill one at a time, dry. One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven. Eight.

His vision is starting to swim, and everything is simultaneously warm and cold... and numb. 

Everything blurs and he sinks to the ground by the bathtub. 

This is really happening. You'll be gone soon. No Frank, no art, no smiling, no gorgeous autumn shades anymore. No more Mikey telling you he's there for you.

The thoughts scare him shitless, and he starts to panic. His breathing is getting more shallow by the second.

Then there comes an insistent pounding on the locked door, coupled with shouts that sound distinctly like Mikey. But everything was already going black.

 

Frank locks himself in his room and jams his earbuds in his ears. He hopes to make his eardrums bend and break. He fucking deserves it. He hates himself for hurting Gerard. But he had to didn't he? If he showed any semblance of the tender feelings he harbored for the artist, the both of them would be beyond fucked, because this is fucking Belleville.  
It's not like people here are particularly chill about things they disagree with.

He clearly remembers the day he pushed Bob and Bert off the swing sets when they tried to attack Gerard for no fucking reason. He needed to be protected, for now.

But Bloody Hell. The sheer broken look in Gerard's face when Frank yelled at him. God, he wishes he never spoke.

He doesn't realize he's crying until he shifts his head and notices his pillow is wet. That's when his phone rings.

 

Mikey's hands are shaking as he dials Frank. He hates being the one who found Gerard. His throat hurts from the scream of terror and shock. His eyes burn with tears. Now, his brother is connected to innumerable tubes, a breathing mask covering half his face.

Frank picks up after the third ring. Mikey knows because he hears heavy breaths from the other line.

 

“Frank.” Mikey croaks.

 

Another slow, careful breath from the other side.

 

“Gerard’s in the hospital.”

 

Silence.

 

“Come here?”

 

Silence.

 

Then finally a reply.

 

“I can’t, Mikey. I’m sorry.”

 

Before Mikey can protest, or yell at Frank for not coming to see his best fucking friend, who just tried to kill himself, the line cuts to static.

 

Mikey’s about to dial him again when the rustling of the sheets catches his attention.

 

Gerard’s eyes are cracked open, the hazel green irises focused on Mikey. They lock eyes.

 

Gerard turns his head away and squeezes his eyes shut. Water tumbles down the sides of his face.

 

Each drop of water stabs Mikey’s heart.

 

Mikey entwines their hands together and lays his free arm across Gerard’s chest, both their bodies being racked by their sobbing.

 

Mikey knew.

 

He knew Gerard loved Frank more than anything.

 

There wasn’t much else that could have caused him to act this irrationally.

 

They don’t say a word.

 

But Mikey knew.

 

And when Frank finally dries his eyes for the first time in three days, Mikey pushes him back out the door when he tries to visit.

 

Don’t you even get fucking close to him.

 

How dare you.

 

Don’t you lay another finger on him.

 

Fuck off.

 

Thank god Gerard was asleep.

 

Gerard sleeps in Mikey’s room for the next 12 days.

 

They cry. They laugh. They play stupid board games from when they were 8 and 6. Ray sleeps over 4 of those nights. Things are almost okay. Almost.

 

Frank smiles at everyone.

 

He jokes around with his “friends”.

 

He smokes cigarettes. Bob’s and Bert’s idea.

 

Smoking calms him down.

 

He’s still at rock bottom.

 

He fucked up.

 

He lost the one he loved.

 

He’s dead inside.

 

17 years old

 

Gerard stands up tall. He’s heavier. Yet he wears it proudly. Or so it seems. It’s his senior year, and his hope is that he will finally get the hell out of Belleville and go to an art school in New York.

 

His confidence doesn’t change much about how insecure he feels, though. No, no. He’s lucky if he doesn’t get shoved into lockers by those asshole jocks that think they rule the fucking world when they can’t even get above a 50% without trying in school.

 

When people yell slurs at him, or talk shit about his weight, he still hangs his head in shame. His heart barely beats.

 

He wants the razor all the time.

 

He thanks every god in the world that Mikey and Ray are always there.

 

He hasn’t had the chance to hurt himself since he was 14.

 

Those two have fucking hearts of gold.

 

He stays with them.

 

They’re the only two that can really fill the gaping hole in his heart after the incident with Frank. 

 

Frank is alone. He’s 100% done with everything. He hates himself. He takes it out on the world.

 

After Bob and Bert had made him fuck this girl for money at a party, he was done. They were both bruised and bloodied the next day. The girl, Jamia, saw what he was going through with asshole “friends”, and soon after, they became friends.

 

Jamia knew about what happened with them. And she understood the struggles both of them dealt with. Frank couldn't just walk up to Gerard and apologize as if nothing happened. As if he had nothing to do with the beatings Gerard took from his former friends whilst Frank stood idly by, a fake grin slicing his face in half.

 

Gerard would have preferred if Frank had been the one to beat the shit out of him instead of him just watching it happen.

 

Bloody fucking hell.

 

Gerard misses him. Every time he laid his eyes on Frank, he would remember everything they had. Who they were before the shit hit the fan. Who they were before Gerard spilled his heart out. Stupid.

 

He misses the quiet moments the two would share while they were together. Especially outside, when Gerard would paint his delicate work and Frank would watch him and their surroundings. Ouch.

 

Frank knows what he's missing in his life. 

 

He knows he was the one who cut that part out of his own being.

 

It was never Gerard's fault.

 

He doesn't know how to apologize.

 

He doesn't know how to prove he still loves Gerard, and how to tell him that he thought that his actions would keep them both safe from the treacherous world of people who didn't understand that love had no limits. No gender.

 

Gerard still was targeted.

 

Frank blamed himself.

 

He didn't deserve Gerard's love, ever again.

 

But that didn't stop him from loving the raven haired artist.

 

 

On the first of December, Belleville had become a signature frosty wasteland. Snowflakes kissed every face that stepped foot outside, leaving behind frostbite.

 

Gerard had to walk home.

 

His car wouldn't fucking start that morning.

 

He didn't have company, either. Mikey was home, sick.

 

And of fucking course Bob and Bert happened to be walking home too. Gerard wonders if they're doing it on purpose just to make his life Hell.

 

As he neared the playground by his street, in all of its happy-go-lucky glory, a rough hand grabs the back of his head by his gorgeous black hair. He hits the ground. You would think the snow cushioned his fall. It made it worse. A shudder runs through Gerard's body. All the air is forced out of his lungs as Bert’s foot connects with his soft stomach. He wants to throw up.

 

They continue his assault on him, icy laughter ripping the air, each cackle like a shard of glass piercing Gerard. 

 

I don’t know what I did, but whatever it is, I’m sorry.

 

I’m all wrong.

 

Sorry, world.

 

Sorry, God.

 

His vision blurs. The world spins.

 

But he can hear, still. It sounds like more punches are being thrown. More absurdities exchanged.

 

He hears his name being screeched.

 

He sees the blurs of shadows moving above him. One of them is super short.

 

 

Frank knows he can’t just stand by anymore. It hurts too much. All the pent-up emotion from the years of watching quietly behind a semblance of apathy boils over and Frank finally feels something. He’s angry. He’s so fucking angry, at Bert, at Bob, at himself. It had always been a quiet, toxic loathing towards himself for what he did in middle school. He fucking explodes.

 

He doesn’t stop when Bert’s nose breaks and bleeds. He doesn’t stop when Bob has to struggle for breath and crawl to move.

 

Gerard. Gerard. GERARD.

 

Kick

 

Fuck you all

 

Another kick

 

You ripped it that one time

 

punch

 

You stripped me away from him

 

A tear.

 

It’s my fucking fault

 

Scream

 

Show him you fucking care

 

“FRANK!!!!”

 

What stops Frank isn’t him coming to his senses. No, no.

 

It’s the warm, soft arms that wrap around his middle and pull him back.

 

“STOP IT!!! YOU’LL KILL THEM!!!! YOU’RE GONNA FUCKING KILL THEM!!!!!”

 

He wrenches away, and in the process, hits something soft.

 

He turns around and sees Gerard clutching his stomach, backing slowly away from him.

 

When they lock eyes, Frank feels his heart break all over again. Because Gerard’s afraid of him.

 

He hates you and he’s afraid of you. You fuck up. That’s all you know how to do. Fuck up.

 

He tries to speak, but the words freeze on his tongue. There’s nothing for him to say right now. Not in this situation, no. So instead, he reaches into his pocket to pull something out.

 

But at that moment, Bert and Bob stand back up. Bert just turns and limps away. Frank can tell by his posture that he’s done. He’s done dealing with this shit. Bob lingers. He gives Gerard a death glare, and then glares at Frank. Frank makes like he’s going to chase him. Bob stumbles back, afraid, and limps after Bert.

 

Frank hears footsteps behind him and turns to see Gerard backing away from him again. He stops when Frank turns around.

 

“Gerard, are you okay?”

 

His head snaps up at that.

 

“Am I OKAY, Frank????? Am i OKAY? No!! No, i’m not o-fucking-kay!! How can you ask me that?” He walks up to Frank until they’re separated by a mere five centimeters. “I don’t know what to think anymore!! You left me when I opened up to you about a part of myself that I was so fucking insecure about!! Then you ignore me for all these years, in favor of them?!!! You never did anything to stop what they did to me. And--” He gets cut off by a sob. He reaches up to wipe his face-- “I’m so sorry, Frank. I’m sorry I wasn’t enough for you, okay? I’m so confused… I don’t know why you did that just now. You didn’t have to.” He takes a shuddering breath. “I shouldn’t have yelled at you just now. I’m sorry...”

 

He turns to leave. Frank grabs his wrist before he can, though. “Gerard, wait. Please.” His voice cracks, and he feels hot tears start to pour down his face.

 

“Frank, I have to go home. I’m sorry,” Gerard whispers back. Frank lets him go.

 

 

Three hours later, Frank receives a text from a number he didn’t have the heart to ever delete.

 

Received: 6:43  
8:30, tonight. My house. I just want to be in your company, if that’s okay.  
Sent: 7:03  
Are you sure? I don’t want to hurt you anymore…  
Received: 7:11  
I’m sure. Please come. I need to see you.

 

 

8:29. Frank can’t bring himself to knock just yet. What if Gerard asks him to leave? He doesn’t think he can handle that, if it does happen, as much as he knows he deserves it.

 

He swallows his rising anxiety and taps his fist on the dark red door.

 

He hears voices inside, and the door opens. He finds himself face to face with a tall boy with bleached hair, staring at him shocked at first. It soon turns into a cold glare.

 

“Iero, get off our fucking porch.”

 

Frank takes a few seconds to process that this is Mikey. God, how he changed so much. His heart breaks a little bit more, if that’s possible.

 

“Can I see Gerard, Mikey?”

 

“Absolutely not. Get out.”

 

The door starts to swing shut before Frank hears a “MIkey, no! Wait!!”

 

The door opens again to reveal the raven haired artist. A purple bruise is staining his delicate cheek. Frank feels a sudden urge to kiss it better.

 

Gerard steps outside and shuts the door behind him.

 

“Follow me.”

 

Frank doesn’t object. He just listens to their feet crunching on the snow and watches their breath steaming out in front of them. Right now, they lapse back into what they used to have: comfortable silence. They both know it won’t last, though. They need to speak.

 

They find themselves back at the playground they first met on. The one from earlier in the day where Frank came back. The one they played the shoe relay race on that Halloween.

 

They sit side by side on the swings.

 

Frank speaks first.

 

“Don’t ever apologize to me, Gee.”

 

He lifts his head at the old affectionate nickname.

 

“What happened to us, Frank?” He whispers.

 

It’s the question Frank dreaded to answer. He can’t turn back now, though.

 

A strangled sob fights its way out of his throat.

 

“I was afraid, Gerard… the people here seem to want to hold people like us down. They don’t want us here, don't want us to be us, because they're afraid.”

 

He takes a breath before continuing.

 

“Masculinity is so fucking fragile, isn't it?”

 

Gerard looks up into his hazel eyes.

 

“I missed you. And God… I still do.”

 

Gerard's mouth opens slightly in shock, and then closes again. He lets out a breath he didn't know he had been holding.

 

“Frank….. look, I want to forgive you, i really do. I missed you so much, and I'd do anything to take you back. But… I'm scared, Frank. I'm scared of this happening again, I'm scared of you leaving me again…”

 

Frank stands up from his swing and kneels in front of Gerard. He takes both his hands and squeezes them gently. “I don't even know how to begin to say sorry, Gerard. I don't think any words can really express the regret I feel. All I know is that leaving you was the worst mistake I've ever made in my entire life. I don't know what I can do to make it up to you, but…. I loved you, Gerard, and I still do. If you do accept me as a friend again, I won't ever leave again, unless you want me to. I promise.”

 

Tears stream down Frank’s face as he says this. He hopes so desperately he can be with Gerard again, even if it's only as a friend. He tells himself it's enough for him, as much as he wishes they were more.

 

Gerard reaches out under Frank’s eyes, and gently swipes his thumb under them, wiping the tears away. He keeps his hand on the side of Frank’s face. “Don’t cry, Frankie. I believe you.”

 

Frank sighs and covers Gerard’s hand with his own, holding it there, leaning into his touch. He didn’t realize how much he craved the physical presence of his friend. “What do I do, Gerard? To regain your trust?”

 

To his surprise, Gerard chuckles slightly. “I think you already did. I didn’t expect you to stop Bob and Bert, earlier, I mean… you came back to me out of your own free will.”

 

They stare at each other for a second, searching each other’s eyes for something more than friendship. Frank breaks the gaze and again moves to pull a crumpled piece of paper from his jeans pocket. He hands it to Gerard.

 

Gerard furrows his brow at Frank and then un-crumples the fraying paper. What he sees sucks the breath from his lungs and makes his heart flutter. It’s the drawing. The very same one he gave to Frank the day they met, of Superman.

 

“You kept it with you all this time? I thought you threw it away?”

 

Frank looks away, his cheeks reddening. “I couldn’t. It was the last piece of you I had left that really meant something to me after I fucked us over.”

 

It was the last piece of you I had left.

 

Emboldened by those words, Gerard’s emotions bubble over, and his tears fall, he leans forward and presses his lips to Frank’s.

 

Of all the things he expected, Frank definitely did not expect Gerard to kiss him, or even forgive him this easily. So he freezes, unsure of what to do.

 

Gerard pulls away when he doesn’t feel Frank kiss him back. Both of them find themselves missing the other’s contact already, replaced by the icy winter air.

 

Gerard feels panic rising in his throat. Shit. He fucked this up, didn’t he?

 

Before he can run, he feels a hand snaking around the back of his neck. Frank pulls him back, and their lips collide again. They relish in the feeling of the other’s lips sliding against their own, warming them. Frank opens his mouth and slides his tongue against Gerard’s lips, asking for permission to enter. In response, Gerard grants him access, and inadvertently moans when their tongues slide together, tasting each other. Gerard lets his hands roam down Frank’s neck and onto his chest. Frank finds him sinking into Gerard’s lap as the kiss becomes more heated. Oh wait, they’re still on a swing.

 

Gerard loses his balance as the swing swings backwards from the force of both their weights, and they both pull away just as they both slide off the swing and onto the snowy ground, falling on their sides. Flushed and confused, they look at each other in shock.

 

A laugh bubbles its way out of Gerard’s mouth, because seriously? How ridiculous was it that they just fell off a swing at a children’s playground while making out? Only they would do that. Frank finds himself laughing too. And God, how he missed Gerard’s laugh so much.

 

After they both calm down, Frank shudders from the cold. Gerard stands up and takes Frank’s hand, helping him off the cold ground.

 

Hands intertwined, they walk back to Gerard’s house, talking about everything and anything, catching up. The air felt charged with a new type of energy, for them. Of course, they would have to tell their families about them, and they would have to be extra careful at school, but now, they had each other again, and it was a new start for them both.

 

*Smut Warning* You don’t have to read the rest if it makes you uncomfortable. Also this is my first time writing smut, so please go easy on me.

 

A week later, Mikey and Ray and Gerard’s parents. seemed to come around. As suspicious as they were at first, Gerard made it clear that it was okay, firmly kissing Frank in front of all of them.

 

Of course Mrs. Way had to make the comment “Use protection” in front of everyone, which caused the whole household to burst out laughing, Frank and Gerard included, as much as they blushed at the comment.

 

When they came back to school that Monday, Gerard had a panic attack before entering, which Frank and Mikey helped to simmer down with breathing exercises.

 

The three of them marched into the school, Mikey in front of them, with the cruellest-looking death glare ever, followed by Frank and Gerard holding hands.

 

They got looks, of course. No one expected the punk Frank Iero to ever fall for anyone, much less a shy artist that constantly got shoved into lockers, much less a guy.

 

During lunch that day, a lot of heads were turned to the pair as they walked in. A few looks were that of applause, some with indifference, and others glared or snickered. Mostly at Frank, because he was the guy no one fucked with, and they did not expect it from him.

 

And in front of all those curious eyes, both of them pressed a firm kiss to each other’s lips, because they were done hiding. Frank may have given everyone the finger while they did. Not that Gerard cared.

 

They left them alone after that.

 

That Friday night, Gerard and Mikey invite Frank and Ray over for a movie night.

 

Ray leaves at around 11, because he needed to wake up early for his guitar lessons the next morning.

 

Without Ray around, Mikey begins to feel more and more like a third wheel. He keeps giving Gerard knowing looks. He finally stands up and announces that he's going to bed. Gerard catches his gaze. Mikey smirks at him.

 

Frank shifts position beside Gerard and leans his head against his neck and shoulder, his body halfway on top of Gerard. 

 

Gerard feels his heart rate pick up. His breathing quickens.

 

Frank feels the shift in atmosphere too. He slowly turns to look at Gerard, who was already studying him.

 

In the dimming light, Frank’s hazel eyes are illuminated and look a deep green speckled with honey. Beautiful, Gerard thinks.

 

Frank just takes a minute to admire Gerard’s milky white face framed by his long locks of black hair before he leans in.

 

Gerard opens his mouth, letting Frank in. They savor the taste of each other's mouths, their tongues sliding together. They fit together perfectly, like a lock and key. Gerard places his hands on Frank’s hips and pulls him onto his lap. He nibbles at Frank’s lower lip, pulling on his lip ring, causing the shorter boy to moan. Frank pushes his hips down onto Gerard, thrilled when he feels their hard-ons pressing together. He rocks their hips together, both of them moaning at the friction.

 

Aa difficult as it is, Gerard pushes Frank away. “Wait.” He whispers harshly.

 

He runs to the basement door and locks it. As soon as it's locked, Frank attacks Gerard and connects their mouths again. He pushes Gerard against the wall and presses their chests together, their hips thrusting together again. Gerard sucks in his breath as Frank slips his hands under his shirt. He lifts his arms as Frank lifts his shirt over his head. Gerard pulls Frank's legs around his waist and lifts him, walking back to his bed. Frank climbs off of him and turns them around. He pushes Gerard back onto the bed, and rips his own shirt off. 

 

He straddles Gerard on the bed and takes in the marvelous sight under him. Gerard's breathing is heavy and shaky. All of a sudden, he feels panicky and wants to cover up his skin again. You're fat and disgusting, Gerard. He feels tears spring into his eyes. Frank notices and immediately freaks out.

 

“I'm sorry, Gerard, I… did I do something wrong? We can stop, if you want.”

 

Gerard snaps up at that. “No, I don't want to stop. I want this, I really do.”

 

Frank furrows his brows at that. He tenderly tucks a lock of Gerard's hair behind his ear. “What's wrong, baby? It's okay, you can tell me.”

 

Gerard takes a shuddering breath. “I just…. I don't know, Frankie. I'm just…. really insecure about my body, I'm sorry. What if I'm not good enough? I don't want you to think less of me, if we do this…”

 

Frank shuts him up with a gentle peck on the lips.

 

“Gee, nothing could ever change the way I feel about you. I've been in love with you… since forever, I think. I loved the way you got so excited when you talked about stuff you were passionate about, your laugh is gorgeous, your eyes would twinkle and you would purse your lips when you were drawing. Just… everything. And good god, Gerard, you're amazing. The things you do to me just by existing… I could kiss you all day, if you don't want to do this. You're enough. I'm more than thankful that I could spend time with you, and that you took me back, even after what I did to you all those years.”

 

Tears stream down Gerard's face, this time from the joy Frank’s words bring to him. He thinks his heart will burst. He pulls Frank down again, the touch of their skin turning them on. As soon as Frank feels Gerard's bare chest against his, he lets out a moan. It feels so good. He feels himself harden even more, and he breaks free of Gerard's lips to nibble at his earlobe, causing the other boy to gasp in pleasure. Then he trails kisses down his neck, nibbling Gerard's skin with his teeth, marking him. He roams his hands over Gerard's rapidly rising and falling stomach, admiring his soft and milky white skin, and presses a kiss to his navel, licking his way down to the waistline of his jeans.

 

He takes his time popping open the button and unzipping his zipper. Gerard slowly lifts his hips so Frank can pull off his achingly tight pants.

 

Frank undoes his own button and zipper and tosses both their jeans on the floor.

 

“F-Frank…. hurry…”

 

Gerard looks up at him through half-lidded eyes through his wonderfully long lashes. Frank bites his lip as he hooks one finger around the waistband of Gerard's boxers and finally reveals all of him to the open. He pulls his own down his knees with Gerard's help, and gradually sits back down on Gerard's lap, their hard cocks pressing together.

 

Gerard gasps and squeezes his eyes shut as Frank pushes his hips down. He thinks he could come right there and then, but he manages to hold it. 

 

“Gerard you're gorgeous…”

 

He attacks his mouth harshly again, and Gerard reaches down between Frank's legs, wrapping his hand around his leaking cock, and slowly pumps him, slicking him up as their mouths move together desperately. Frank moans into Gerard's mouth, the vibration sending waves of pleasure coursing through Gerard's body, turning him on even more.

 

Frank parts with Gerard's mouth to stop his hand.

 

“Stop” he whispers. “Otherwise, I'm gonna… you know…” he trails off.

 

Gerard nods and sits up. He sucks at one of Frank's nipples, causing him to release a string of cuss words. Frank pushes Gerard back, and moves back down his body, so he can gently kiss both his inner thighs. Then he presses wet kisses to his balls, before licking a stripe up his length, tasting the liquid leaking from the head. He hears Gerard gasp above him, and he grins smugly and takes him in his mouth, licking the tip in circular motions, working his tongue over the slit. The sounds Gerard makes send blood flowing straight to his own slick length, and he blissfully takes Gerard in his mouth and begins to move his head up and down. Gerard automatically lifts his hips, slowly so that Frank doesn't choke.

 

Frank gives him one last suckle before he moves back up to look at Gerard's face, contorted in pleasure. He looks up at Frank like he's the most beautiful human in the world, his irises thin hazel rings outlining the deep black pits of his pupils.

 

“May I?” Frank whispers into Gerard's ear.

 

Gerard nods quickly. His cock throbs again when Frank sucks a hickey into his collarbone.

 

“So here we go.”

 

Gerard takes Frank’s hand and sticks three of the fingers in his mouth. Even though this is their first time with another boy, they've seen enough porn to know the mechanics of how it's done, plus the preparation.

 

Frank pulls his fingers out from Gerard's mouth, and spreads Gerard's legs apart.

 

He looks up at Gerard again. “You ready?”

 

“Yes, Frankie. Do it.”

 

Frank nods and slips his index finger into Gerard. Gerard gasps as he burns. He feels Frank slip a second finger in, scissoring him. He lets out a strangled scream as Frank's third finger slips in and brushes his prostate.

 

Frank pulls his fingers out and aligns himself with Gerard's entrance. He slowly pushes his tip in, looking to Gerard for contentment. Gerard nods at him open-mouthed, and Frank pushes all the way in. When he does, Gerard let's out a high-pitched moan.

 

“Fuck, Frankie. Aahh. So good…”

 

“Are you still okay?”

 

“Yes! God, yes, this is amazing… just move, do something….”

 

Frank smirks and kisses him softly before he begins to thrust in and out of Gerard, slowly at first, listening to his heavy breathing and small gasps. Gerard is still a little tight around him, and the pressure on his own length is too good. He breathes deeply to keep himself from spilling before Gerard finishes.

 

He adjusts himself and thrusts in again, and this time, a guttural moan tears itself out of Gerard's throat, and he knows he's hit his prostate. He would totally fantasize about that sound later. His own cock perks up even more inside him.

 

Gerard wraps his thighs around Frank's waist.

 

“Do that again…!”

 

Frank starts moving again, the sounds escaping Gerard turning him on like crazy. He grips the base of Gerard's cock and starts stroking him slowly.

 

“Ohhhhh…. fuck! Frank, I'm gonna… hahhh….. AH!!”

 

Gerard's hips thrust upward with the force of his orgasm, come spurting onto his own chest, into Frank's hand, and onto Frank's stomach. Frank strokes Gerard throughout his high, still moving his hips in and out.

 

The warmth of Gerard's come on his stomach and his spasm around Frank's cock finally push Frank over the edge as he feels his own release inside Gerard. He moans loudly and buries his head in the crook of Gerard's neck as he rides out his orgasm.

 

They stay like that for a minute, breathing heavily together, their skin sticky with sweat and come.

 

“Frank, we should get cleaned up.”

 

Frank agrees, and slowly pulls out of Gerard as they stand up and go to the bathroom.

As Frank wipes the mess off himself, he feels Gerard circle his arms around his waist from behind, pressing his bare chest onto his back, sighing into the crook of Frank's neck. Frank freezes as he feels his heart fill with warmth. "Frank, I think I'm in love with you," Gerard whispers into his ear. He plants a soft kiss on the soft line of his jaw, right under his ear.

Frank turns around and gently brushes his lips against Gerard's, in one of the softest kisses they've ever shared. Frank had noticed that regardless of what they did to each other, or what they did together, Gerard loved to be kissed. Both of their heartbeats slow down as they relax into each other's arms.

Once they're clean, they crawl back into Gerard's bed, still warm and a bit wet from their actions earlier. They're both too tired to care.

Gerard lies on his back, Frank halfway on top of him, his arm thrown around him protectively. They fall asleep like that, breathing in each other's scents.


End file.
